I swear I’m not jaded, guys.
I’m a romantic at heart. Really, I am! Love heals. Love conquers all! Love is kind, at least most of the time, anyway.
However, the “thrill of the chase” thing is a different story. Back in “the day,” I was never one to wait for a guy to call first, and I was always a bad “rules girl.” Besides, that “chase-loving Neanderthal” usually dropped me like a bad piece of mammoth meat the moment I would show the tiniest bit of interest back. Sounds eerily like a Taylor Swift song, does it not?
This post was originally published in March of last year but so long as someone out there is chasing and someone out there is being chased, it’s always fun to revisit these “rules.”
Several years ago, a book was published which outlined certain rules of dating that guaranteed, if followed, would help you capture the heart of a man. The rules dictated that you were never, ever to call a man you liked under any circumstances, and that if he called you after Wednesday of any week, you were not allowed to accept a date invitation for that weekend. The premise was that if you seem busy and disinterested, this man would assume you were special, exotic, and in high demand by other men, which would increase your value and make you more desirable. This would ignite his thrill of the chase, until he chased you all the way down the aisle.
The adherence to these "rules" may work temporarily, but there are many aspects to them that are counterintuitive to my Fierce Diva sensibilities.
First of all, say your man calls you on a Thursday for a Saturday date, which according to the rules, you cannot accept, even if you don't have other plans. Yet, is it any fun to sit home on a Saturday night watching "Desperate Housewives" reruns, while the man you like is now at a club, chatting up another Diva?
What happens if you follow the rules and your man actually does chase you all the way down the aisle? Except now, this chase-loving Neanderthal who has nabbed his prize catch must settle into the tedium of day to day life. If this is a man who prides himself on having nabbed a highly exotic creature, will he still find you exotic after the first time some gas slips out in front of him? What about when an eye infection leaves you in coke bottle glasses for a week? What about childbirth? Will he still find you exotic while he watches the head of a baby emerge from your cha-cha - which hasn't been waxed since before you became pregnant? Will he still find you highly exotic after he changes the ice pack on your episiotomy stitches? Enough said.
As far as I can tell, playing by the "rules" and playing games are closely related. Chances are, if you have to play games to nab a man, not only is he not the right man for you, but he's certainly not fierce enough to live with a Fierce Diva.
My advice to you, Divas, is to approach your relationships the way you approach everything else in your life, with strength, sincerity, and openness. Will stalking a man land you in a committed relationship with him? Probably not, But neither will feigning indifference. When it comes to finding the right man or anything else in life you may be seeking, it all comes down to balance. When you know when to put forth effort, and when it's time to let go of your efforts, not only does everything fall into place, but you have truly become a Fierce Diva.
Namaste, Divas!
How do you feel about these so-called rules of dating?
Did you follow them or would you follow them?
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